June 30, 2022

showing gratitude

WHAT UP WITH DAT?

I get pissed off when people can't say thank you. 

For instance:  Several years ago, my husband and I received a graduation announcement from the son of a couple we used to see on social occasions.  We had lost touch with them.  But twenty years later come one May, we received the announcement that their son was graduating.  We sent a check and a card.  But the graduate never bothered to send a thank you note.

More recently, we received a graduation notice from the son of a couple we had known three decades ago.  Three decades ago!  We only stay in touch with Christmas cards and they live hundreds of miles away.  WTF?  Or as Kenan Thompson of SNL would say: What up with dat?  

Maybe they sincerely thought we'd like to know about his achievement.  But honestly, it felt more like they were asking for a gift.  And if we were to send a check, what are the chances we'd receive a thank you note?  I'm pretty sure the graduate would never acknowledge the gift.  Now, I could be wrong.  He may be a very nice kid who plans to tell friends and relatives he's grateful they thought about him at this momentous occasion. 

But my gut feeling (and cynicism and experience) tells me otherwise.  

Ingratitude happens on many occasions.  Take weddings:  My husband and I drove nine hours to Washington, D.C. to celebrate a cousin's wedding.  We sent them an expensive gift and never heard a peep from them.  Take birthdays:  We sent generous restaurant gift cards to our nephews.  Neither one of them wrote a thank you note.

I'm not sure why ingratitude is so prevalent.  Have parents forgotten to teach their kids to say thank you?  Or do kids feel they don't need to say thank you?

According Theology of Work, "ingratitude wrongs the one who should have received thanks. But there is another penalty that is paid when we are ungrateful. We lose the opportunity to delight in the blessings of our lives. We deny ourselves the joy that comes to us when we give others the joy that comes from our thanks. Ingratitude deprives the one who should offer thanks of a deeper, richer, fuller experience of life's goodness. So, ingratitude hurts the one who should receive thanks and the one who should give it. Not surprisingly, therefore, it also fails to nourish the relationship between the two parties. Whereas, a word of thanks can build intimacy and trust; thanks neglected creates distance and guardedness."

When I was young, my mom insisted that we write thank you notes for the gifts that we received.  My husband and I taught our daughter to do the same thing.  This may not be the practice these days.  Attitudes have changed.  And then again...

My husband thanks me for the meals I cook each night.  Writers thank me when I waive the editorial fee.  Friends and grocery clerks thank me when I surprise them with flowers or a gift card. 

So, when I think of those who are less grateful, I remember others who are appreciative.  They may say thank you by writing a short note, giving me a call, or sending an email.  They get it.  Showing gratitude is not hard.  It's a beautiful gesture and it's the right thing to do.     


À la prochaine! 






June 1, 2022

spirituality, music, synchronicity
                                                                                                                                                 Photo: Fine Mayer from Pixabay 
     
I'VE GOT THE MUSIC IN ME*

Whenever I hear certain songs that play repeatedly or strike a chord with me, I believe spiritual synchronicities are at work delivering a message, providing guidance, or giving reassurance that I'm on the right path.   

The best way for me to explain is through some examples.

Before the pandemic, I used to listen to music as I worked out in the gym.  I never made a playlist.  I'd listen to whatever played on Spotify.  Whenever I rode the bike or lifted weights, I'm Turning Japanese by The Vapors would play ninety percent of the time.  It was crazy.  Mysterious.  And predictable.  Back in 1980, it was the favorite song of a former boyfriend.  

So why did I hear this song—forty years after we dated—fifteen years after his death?  Perhaps his spirit had always been trying to send me a message.  Now this song easily reached me through Spotify.  Hearing the song played repeatedly made me feel like it was his way of emphasizing how sorry he was about our messy breakup and for my heartache.   

Another song caught my attention recently.  My husband and I enjoy the show The Charismatic Voice.  Producer and vocal coach Elizabeth Zharoff discussed the song Kashmir sung by Robert Plant.  While watching, we learned about the compositional structure of the song, the boldness and carelessness of Plant's style, the timing of the vibrato, the decision to slide or stick a note, and the giving of generosity (of his voice) when he approached the microphone. 

A day after watching The Charismatic Voice, I went to physical therapy.  As I warmed up, Kashmir played.  This coincidence registered with me.  But why did I hear this song again?  Was there a message?  I took a closer look at the lyrics and found that the song is not merely about a place, but about a journey.  After having received a rejection on one of my beloved manuscripts, I found that the lyrics served to remind me that writing is a journey, so be patient and enjoy the steps along the way.

While on the subject of the writing...my husband and I attended an Elton John concert last month.  When Elton sang I'm Still Standing, it resonated with me more than ever that night.  Hearing him sing the song gave me chills.  But why this song and why now?  The power of the song reassured me that I am still standing, still persevering despite rejection.    

I haven't been back in the gym since the pandemic or go to concerts often, so listening to music regularly doesn't happen often.  However, while grocery shopping, going to PT, or watching a television show, I may have the opportunity to hear a song that can be meaningful.  And if I hear that song frequently or if it touches me to the core, I attempt to find the spiritual connection to the music, to be more in touch with my life journey, to 'get' the message.  

Amanda Meder of the Spiritual Living Blog says, "Songs can elicit in all of us intense positive emotions and stir up wonderful memories, so they can be a great way to get a message across.  Songs can also cause you to rethink things, too.  They can shift your outlook, mood, and entire day—which is why they are a very typical ‘sign’ that is sent.  They activate the soul.  If you hear the song synchronistically, this is a sign that you are becoming more in touch with your life path, keep going."

That's what I aim to do, to be aware of the synchronicities and the spiritual power that they hold. Synchronistic experiences give comfort, guidance, and faith.  And if I pay attention, I may understand the perfect timing and the deeper meaning of songs. 

À la prochaine! 

* The Kiki Dee Band