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IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU

I confess I don't understand people who lack self-awareness. People who think it's always about them. 

It kind of boggles my mind.  How can anybody be so into themselves that they don't they realize how they come across to others? And yet I wonder if they did know, would they do anything about it?  Would they change?

I am thankful there are not too many self-centered people in my life.  

However in just one day, I encountered three "it's all about me" kind of people.  

In my language class, students discuss what we'd like to work on during the semester so we can all agree on a chapter to study.  But one day, the instructor went off topic and chose his favorite subject to teach for the day.  We as a class didn't have a say.  Though he meant well and it did provide a teaching moment, nobody seemed engaged or enthusiastic.  He didn't realize that he had shifted the focus of the lesson to something he enjoyed rather than concentrating on the interests of the class.  

And during this same class one classmate hogged the floor.  All students know that before we begin class, we each have a moment to take the floor.  Most of us prepare.  But it was obvious that one student hadn't, and he hemmed and hawed to find a way to express himself.  He was flustered and this went on for quite a while.  I felt badly for him, but he was unaware of how much time he taking up.  Actually, so much time slipped away that nobody else got a chance to speak. 

Then later the same day I sent a text to family members inviting them to a holiday gathering at my home.  I planned on serving dinner for fifteen people.  So, I needed to know how many relatives planned to attend.  Easy.  A simple yes they'd be joining us or not.  But one relative found it necessary to shift the spotlight to himself and go off on a tangent about something other than the party.  This is not egregious, but it could have waited.  

Honestly dear readers, three self-centered people in one day was way too much for me.   

So how does anyone deal with this?  After a little online research, I discovered the importance of understanding the self-centered person's mindset.

Emily Simonian, LMFT, therapist at Thriveworks says, "Self-centered people usually lack empathy, maybe not entirely, but at least enough that they struggle to put themselves in others' shoes." 

"This is self-centered behavior because it demonstrates that this person has little capacity to be curious about or imagine another person's perspective," says Taneille Smith, a therapist in private practice.  

"People who are self-centered will often do everything on their own terms, without taking your needs or desires into consideration as well."  Smith says this demonstrates that they don't consider anyone's preferences but their own. 

Then what can we do about self-absorbed people?

Ashley Laderer, a freelance writer from New York who specializes in health and wellness says, "If you know somebody who constantly makes everything about themselves or seems to have little to no consideration for others, you are likely dealing with a self-centered person.  Having a relationship of any type with someone like this can leave you feeling emotionally drained or hurt.  If you want to salvage the relationship, be sure to set boundaries and open up about how you feel, but also know that the relationship might need to end for your own sake if extreme self-centered behavior continues." 

While all of this may be good advice, it would be hard for me to set boundaries, be open about my feelings, or end relationships.  I don't want to say or do anything to hurt anyone's feelings.  

But what I can do is be aware that certain people will turn a situation around so they are in the spotlight.  It's like wait for it...

and, there it is.  

So, anticipating this kind of behavior can shield me from absorbing the negative energy a self-absorbed person emits.  

I can't change people who lack self-awareness.  But I can protect myself by expecting narcissistic conduct to crop up.  Because there will always be a few self-centered people in my life.  They may be teachers, students and relatives.  It's up to me to take action, to be proactive.  I have the power to limit the exposure to those who haven't a clue how they're perceived by others.  

À la prochaine!