Photo: lookstudio

FINDING JOY 

I have to admit I was getting fed up with my French class.  

Don't get me wrong, I love taking French.  I began studying in 2013 with a very good, very strict French woman who taught at the Carnegie Center for Literacy and Learning in Lexington, Kentucky.  Luckily, I learned the basics (present, past, and imperfect verb tenses, a decent amount of vocabulary, and basic grammar rules) before she moved to Denver. 

Another teacher stepped in to teach, and I've taken classes with her for over eight years.  One would think I'd be fluent by now, but it doesn't work that way.  Living in France is the best way to pick up the language.  Some people choose to go on retreat workshops for several weeks.  These options don't work for me.  

I stuck with class and learned more grammar and vocabulary.  However, during the 2025 summer session, I discovered something.  The class wasn't meeting my needs.  Believing the fall class might be better, I registered for the French again.  After taking three classes, it hit me again.  My gut was telling me this class wasn't right for me.  I didn't want to memorize French vocab words.  It's odd it took so long to realize this, but when it did, it resonated with me.  I wanted to speak more fluently, understand the spoken word better, and translate correctly.  None of this was happening for me.

It wasn't until I had the opportunity to take an online survey about Carnegie Center classes that I realized I wasn't happy.  And I hadn't been happy for a long time.  Our class spent too much time chatting at the beginning of class.  While speaking in French is good practice, people exceeded the five minute limit and this took up valuable time in which we could have meaningful conversations as a class or review much neglected grammar.  

I had to take action.  

I decided to drop this class even though the semester had been paid for.  The class wasn't bringing me joy.  Think about the word joy.  That happy giddy feeling that brings a smile to your face, makes you feel so good that you glow.  It is a lightness that feels like freedom.  I missed feeling this way in class.

I'm 70 years old.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  I want more joy in my life.  When I made the painful decision to drop the class, I struggled with this decision.  I could be burning bridges.  That might be the case and I'll have to live with that, but I feel immensely better, lighter, and more joyful.  

I needed some validation, so I discussed it with my daughter and husband.  They understood my position and supported me.  I even asked IA and it responded:  

If the task is truly optional:

• Avoid the task: 

  The simplest solution is to simply not do something you don't enjoy, especially if it's not a requirement. 
• Make the choice to not do it: 

  Acknowledge that you have the choice and make the decision to prioritize your well-being by disengaging from the unenjoyable activity. 

Deciding to quit class was not easy.  Over the years, I've made good friends with the other students.  But the class wasn't living up to my expectations.  

Putting a pause on French class didn't mean I'd give up learning French.  There are plenty of websites to learn French such as:  https://www.youtube.com/c/Commeunefrancaise, French Lawless, and C'est pas sorcie . I can listen to fairytales, read French books, and watch podcasts, travel vlogs and cooking shows.  I can even review my grammar books or return to class if the teaching method changes. 

My instructor and classmates may not understand why I've left class.  But my family supports me and understands my decision.  I want to do things that make me happy.  I want to pursue my interests, creativity, and learning.  Time is precious.  I want more joy in my life.

À la prochaine! 

  

                                                                                                                                                                         Photo: kieferpix

HELP  

I hate rejection.  Though I've gotten used to it with querying, rejection feels so personal when it comes from friends, family and associates.  How does this EVEN happen when all I do is ask for help?    

An editor (to whom I paid to critique my picture book) told me that she'd help with the revision.   

A writer friend said she'd help review one of my manuscripts.  

I never heard back from either one of them.   

You might think this would disappoint me, but if you read my previous blog, you'd know I'm learning to deal with disappointment by lowering my expectations.  And that's working to some degree.  But I had hoped that when someone says they'll do something, they would follow through.

In a different case, I have a sibling who for the past thirty years has never lent a helping hand no matter the situation.  Years ago, while I worked a weekend day shift, my husband came down with a migraine while caring for our infant daughter.  He needed to go to bed to sleep off the pain, but when I asked my brother if he could help out for a couple of hours until I got home, he told me no and he literally lives five minutes from us.  

And more recently, he wouldn't help our daughter who have flown from the states to attend his son's wedding in France.  Her plane was delayed, and while she managed to catch the train to Avignon, he wouldn't hold the bus to the venue for ten minutes to allow her join us. WTF?   

Maybe these individuals are too busy to help or don't want to be hassled.    

But I want to believe if someone tells me they'll do something for me, they'll do it.  I want to believe that blood is thicker than water, and relatives are there for their families.  My requests fell on deaf ears.  With hindsight, I have a clearer picture of who I'm dealing with.  All three lack of empathy.   

For a while, I felt angry and hurt.  But now I know—don't ask for help because most likely, it ain't gonna happen.  So, what now?  

1. Accept the reality of the situations 

2. Detach emotionally 

3. Strengthen boundaries, if necessary

4. Redefine the relationships

These people have taught me a lesson:  don't wallow in despair—learn and grow.  

Moving forward, I will accept them for who they are.  I will manage how I engage with them.  I protect my peace and my goals.  And I will avoid situations that will ultimately lead to disappointment and rejection. 

À la prochaine! 

 

                                                                                                                   photo: Milada Vigerova

DISAPPOINTED 

I confess I am easily disappointed.    

My husband says the reason I get disappointed is because my expectations are too high.  

Even still...  

I expect some thoughtfulness: 

I critiqued a friend's manuscript and she agreed to critique my work.  It's been weeks and I'm still waiting.  Maybe she forgot about it.  Maybe she'll get around to it.  Maybe she's at a loss about how to critique it and doesn't know what to make of it.  Who knows?  But it seems like my manuscript is the last thing on her mind.  It hurts I haven't heard back.  I was hoping for a little kindness and respect.   

BEFORE
(I haven't the heart to show you AFTER)

I expect some follow through:  

My elderly father has some mobility issues, so I gave him cucumber, squash and tomatoes plants that could be easily cared for on his patio.  My father has always enjoyed gardening and he was excited to have a more convenient way to appreciate plants.  I had raised from the vegetables from seeds, nurtured them as they grew in pots and drove 70 miles to deliver them to his home.  Unfortunately, he didn't water them.  My efforts literally died.

I expect some courtesy:

My dad's sister, my only aunt, preferred to listen to a television show rather than talk with me on the phone.  The program 60 Minutes was on and she wanted to tune in.  I had called to wish her happy birthday and to have a short chat about her health and the family.  I felt shunned and was disappointed that she never called me back. 

Sometimes, people let me down.  However after doing a little research, I found that there are some ways to handle disappointment.  

According to tinybuddha.com: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/cope-people-disappoint/ You have the right to feel what you feel. 

• Don’t ignore your feelings of disappointment. But try to obtain a renewed sense of the other person’s perspective.

• We all have different expectations. Most people are inherently good. They are on their own journey, and although disappointment can feel personal, it’s often not. The other person’s expectations are simply different to yours.

• Disappointments aren’t always all bad. What may seem like a challenge may be a blessing in disguise—or a blessing in waiting; it may only be a matter of time before you recognize that your disappointment is actually the universe working its magic for you. 

• It helps to shift your focus. Resolve to do things that bring you joy. Focus on what is new and good, start manifesting, and leave those disappointing thoughts behind. 

• It will pass. No matter how deeply you are disappointed, in time you will move through the feeling. Weed out the people who consistently disappoint you.

• Be mindful of people who regularly disappoint you and make more time for those who don’t. Maintain a positive sense of yourself through happy relationships with people who are uplifting and energizing.

The last tip speaks volumes to me.  I need to remember some people will let me down.  It's in their nature.  It's just who they are.  They don't intentionally mean to hurt, but they put themselves first without thinking about how others feel.  Therefore, it's kind of a no-brainer:  I'll limit contact with these folks and spend more time with people who care.  And if I pair this action with lowering my expectations, I may just feel less disappointed.   

À la prochaine!

                                                                                                                                                            Photo: Deluxe.com

CHRISTMAS CARDS OF YESTERYEAR

With Christmas celebrated five days ago, I have to come clean:  I am so over Shutterfly holiday cards.   

I'm not saying I hate them.  I just miss the sparkly cards with snowflakes and Christmas trees.  The penned messages are meaningful and wintry scenes are pure magic to me.  Where has the personal touch gone?  

Shutterfly is an attractive answer for those who don't have time to shop for cards and write something inside them.  Their slogan is: "Make Something That Means Something."  Many people have bought this marketing.  To me, the cards feel cold, impersonal, unoriginal and dare I say, self-centered.  They are like a mini-photo album and except for the border, they have absolutely nothing Christmasy about them.    

But I get it.  Shutterfly makes it easy.  Just pick a festive design, upload your favorite photos, customize text and colors to your liking, add premium finishes like foil if desired, and then preview and order your personalized cards.  

The Shutterfly Christmas cards have been around for a while, the momentum is growing, and they make up about half of the cards we receive.  But let's get real...these photos are so tiny, I can barely make out who is in each picture.  (At least this is true of the cards we receive.)  

"Get with the times,"  some would say.  So, I could adjust my thinking and accept the trend.  

But I'm stuck in the past. 

It makes me sad to see the cherished tradition of sending wintry, sparkly cards slipping away.  A new tradition has begun, and I'm not a fan.  Call me old-fashioned.  Nostalgic. 

I realize choosing Shutterfly is a choice and I won't judge you for going this route.  You do you.  I am hopeful the old-time cards will return, but for now, the holiday greetings have changed and we've lost some of the magic of Christmas.    

Bonne année à tous !