My ballet class, me on the far left.

 THE FEAR OF PERFORMING  

I confess I don't enjoy performing on stage.

There is a story, well, actually several:

So, let's go back, way back...

When I was six-years-old I danced in a ballet recital.  I wasn't nervous, but I should have been.  I didn't learn all of the steps and decided to follow the girl in front of me...until the teacher switched the order of dancers and I became the lead dancer! ON THE NIGHT OF THE PERFORMANCE!  Needless to say, I had to look over my shoulder to keep up with the others. 

As a teenager, I competed in a talent contest and played the piano.  My fingers flew across the keys so fast (faster than the piece was supposed to be played) that I skipped sections and repeated others phrases.  If you were familiar with the piece you'd know it sounded nothing like it was supposed to be played.   

Fast forward some twenty years.  I was on stage was for a springtime dance recital hosted by my ballet school.  I knew the steps by heart, but the stage lights distracted me.  They were intensely bright and hot and when the music began, my feet froze.  It was the weirdest experience.  It felt like I was nailed to the spot.  I literally could not move, though my brain was saying GO. GO. GO! Finally, I loosened up and completed the dance with my classmates.  

Ever since then, I refuse to perform on stage.  But that doesn't stop me from dancing. 

I take classes throughout the year with KRDT (Kentucky Repertory Dance Theatre).  In fact the teachers offer a summer dance intensive.  This special class is taught by Sue Champion, founder of KRDT for 3 hours Monday - Thursday.  Specifically, it involves 30 minutes of core strengthening followed by 2 and a half hours of barre and ballet.  I took this class last year and loved the challenge, but this year a performance was added—which I didn't know about until it was too late to back out.  Sue began choreographing the dance on our first evening.  

I dreaded the thought of performing.  My previous experiences weighed on me.  However, as I learned the dance steps, I felt better knowing the performance would be held in the comfort of our studio.  No dancing on a stage.  No hot lights.  A smaller audience.  Plus Sue would be off to the side mouthing the dance steps in case we forgot.  

On the evening of the performance, I didn't feel scared.  Something in my heart told me I could do this.  I knew the steps.  After our final bows, I glowed with accomplishment.  I had learned two dances in a very short time and performed them in front of families and friends.  By concentrating on the uplifting spiritual words of one song as well as the haunting melody of the other, I was able to relax, to enjoy and to move effortlessly to the music.   

Below is our rehearsal of a Russian peasant dance with Sue Champion instructing us.  I'm the dancer with the blue scarf.  Who knows about next summer and whether I'll take the intensive.  It was challenging work.  But so much fun.  Maybe, just maybe I will perform again.

Paix