photo: Stacey Back

 AFTER THE FUNERAL

I confess I dwell on things. Like the way my family treats me.

One would think after losing a father, things would be better between brothers and sisters.

And nothing's changed after the funeral.

My siblings rarely initiate a phone call or think of inviting me to family affairs. They even forgot to merge me into the phone call when making funeral arrangements for our dad.

There's more (unfortunately).

The other day, my sister texted me and my brothers if anyone was going to my cousin's (Vicki's) 90th birthday party.  I didn't receive an invitation from Vicki or her family.  The first I heard of it was 15 minutes BEFORE the party started—in Louisville, Kentucky—75 miles away.  Somehow, my sister  and brothers knew about it.  I later learned that one of my brothers had been personally invited after our father's funeral.  Now maybe he assumed I had been invited, too.  Who knows?  But everyone knew about the party but me.  

My relationship with one brother has not been good for years.  After the funeral he reached out and said he was going to do better, that he would communicate more often.  I called him 2 weeks later to chat on Father's Day.  It's been nearly two months and he hasn't bothered to call. 

I left a phone message with my other brother, wanting to catch up and find out about his recent trip to England.  And...as you'd expect...he didn't return my call. 

The funny thing is, I am not hurting as much as you'd think.  I'm used to being invisible to them. 

It's a shame we're not close.  But I know I'm not alone.  Other friends have told me their own family relationships are similar, if not worse.

Though I dwell on being mistreated, I usually get over feeling hurt in a day or two.  I'm used to this treatment and can't expect anything more from my family.  They are who they are.  In a perfect world, we'd get along, want to be together, want to chat on the phone.  But nothing's perfect, especially with  families.

I think about my wonderful husband and daughter and the great relationship we have.  We enjoy being together.  We want to chat with one another.  The same goes for friends and neighbors.  We care about each other. We want to be a part of each other's lives. 

Life is too short to be surrounded by those who could give a f*uck about me.  I hang around with people who are kind and caring.  I busy myself with planning vacations, studying French, taking ballet, and writing picture books.  I focus on the things that bring me joy and avoid the things that pull me down. And in the end, I force myself to remember:  those who don't think of me aren't worth being around. 

Paix